What is Shadow Work like?

THE WANT

Then I ask, "What would you like to have happen?" If you're not sure, I listen and reflect back what you say, until you've got a clear goal that I can help you get in the session.

Many of us were raised believing we shouldn't have what we want, that "wanting" is demanding or selfish. I believe that the "wanting" part of you is your inner leader, and I'd like that part of you to lead the way. I call that part of you your Sovereign.

THE RISK

Then I ask what's at risk for you to get what you want. If there weren't a risk, you would probably already have what you want. Every risk exists for good reasons and often says something good about you. For example, you may have given up what you wanted in order to keep your connection with someone you loved a great deal.

Once we get an idea of the risk, I ask to talk to the part of you that finds it hard to deal with that risk. My generic term for that part of you is your Risk Manager — you may find you have a different name for it.

Your Risk Manager's job is to protect you from doing anything that's too risky. I think your Risk Manager has guided you for many years and knows you better than I do, so I welcome its input. When it feels a part of the process, it reveals why the risk exists, usually as part of a strategy that has been in operation for some time, beneath the surface of your life.

With your Risk Manager's help, you can then make conscious choices about which strategies will work for you in your life today.

SPLITTING OUT PARTS

The Risk Manager is one example of a part of you. Our word for selecting a part of the self is a "split;" it's a technique borrowed from Gestalt psychotherapy.

Sometimes, as I listen to you talk about your wants and risks, I hear other parts of you that are aspects of the problem or are wanting to be heard. If we're working together in person, I offer you the opportunity to split out those parts of you, so that they're visible in the room with us, often using objects draped in colorful pieces of fabric. (We can do this over the phone as well if you've had previous experience working with parts of yourself.)

Splitting out the parts of the issue you're facing gives your Risk Manager and me a clearer visual picture of what's been troubling you. That picture often reveals a great deal more about what's really happening. I can then talk to your Risk Manager to clear away the risks so that you can achieve your goal.

PROCESSING AND INTERVIEWING

Sometimes, in addition to hearing from the Risk Manager and looking at parts, there are further changes you'd like to make.

You may choose to change the relationships between the parts visible in the room, for example, have them reconcile with each other, or say goodbye to each other, or get support from each other, or set boundaries with each other.

Shadow Work is experiential, meaning that you learn by "stepping into" what you want, or into what you don't want, with my help and guidance, and seeing if it brings up additional risks for us to talk about.

There may also be a part of you visible that you would like to know better, or hear from in depth. If so, I offer you an opportunity to play that part while I interview you. For me, stepping into a part of myself is very energizing; it feels as if I'm taking the lid off a box that has been closed for years.

Experiential work is quite different from traditional psychotherapy and other cognitive-based methods. It brings about an internal "shift" that heals a destructive pattern at its source. You act differently from then onwards because you are different inside.

Throughout the process, I am your guide, and a companion who's been there before. I've been doing Shadow Work since 1995.

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